For as long as I can remember, I’ve played "the achiever." I threw myself into work, even as a child. I remember spending hours in my room, working away, only to emerge with my “achievements” in hand—a brilliant coping mechanism for getting the love I needed.
When love interests didn’t call, I dove headfirst into my next project, using work to distract me from the pain. Being an achiever had its perks, too: it attracted mentors who provided the nurturing I needed to thrive.
But lately, I’ve been asking myself—what’s the cost of this constant striving? Is it good for me to continually soldier myself to the door of exhaustion?
The Roles We Play
I’ve played other roles, too, like the doormat and the good girl. Anyone who’s ever been a doormat or a nice girl knows these roles can offer a version of safety. They help us avoid conflict, gain approval, or protect ourselves in vulnerable moments. But there’s a darker side—doormats and good girls are often susceptible to abuse.
At some point, these roles—achiever, doormat, and nice girl feel limited. They become exhausting performances, pulling us further away from our true selves.
When we stop and take stock, we may realize that we have spent so much time performing that we have lost touch with who we are. The questions loom large: Who am I? What do I want?
The Grief and Rage of Self-Discovery
Dismantling these roles is not for the faint of heart. We may feel earth-shattering grief for the person we could have been. We may feel rage at the years lost, the patterns we missed, the ways we played small to survive.
This process requires patience. It takes time, and the feelings come in waves: two steps forward, one step back. Compassion is key. We must be gentle with ourselves as we shed these old roles and step into something new.
Meeting Our True Selves
As we heal, someone remarkable begins to emerge. Slowly, we uncover our extraordinary inner understudy, waiting in the wings. This inner self exists far beyond the titles of soldier, doormat, or nice girl. She is limitless, one-of-a-kind, surprising, free, joyful, and ready to shine. She has been waiting patiently for us all along.
I am a life coach based in Vancouver, BC. I love helping people discover their authentic selves. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or are interested in working together.
#roles #authenticity #trueself #overachiever #doormat #nicegirl #goodgirl #compassion #growth #selfdiscovery
Comments